How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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