Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The Olympian is in my bed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
