No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
