I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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