just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
