i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
