my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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