Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
