there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
