I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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