I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
