Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
