At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
