3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
