I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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