two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
