she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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