we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
