I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
