thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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