This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
