i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
