He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
