I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
