i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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