i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
