So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
