I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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