I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
