need another drink. this is the easiest way
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
