and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
