we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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