non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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