I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
