she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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