I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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