I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
