last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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