when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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