I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
