fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
