Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
