Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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