I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
