I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
