They should really pass out barf bags in church
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
