I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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