sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I could fuck to npr.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
