Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
