I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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