The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
