Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
