when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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