Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
