the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize