jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
