I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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