your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
