this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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