I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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