I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
