My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
