can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
