i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
