Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
