i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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