I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
