She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
