who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What a dumb baby whore.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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