I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
