Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
