I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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