I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
