ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
