I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
