Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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