The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
